Very Belated Stitch Fix review #1 & 2

I have been meaning to write this review and post pictures since my first Stitch Fix box in October. I didn't. Sue me, I'm lazy.

*Disclaimer/Reader Beware: I'm not a nice blogger. I swear a lot, I am not PC, I will erupt into rants whenever I feel like it, and I've been called horrible things by the nut jobs on Tumblr, so out of fairness for some readers, this is my warning banner and the only stupid trigger warning you'll get.*

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I look at Stitch Fix reviews, or any product reviews, I get so sick of seeing the "shpeal" at the beginning. Unfortunately, it has to be said in case this is the first review (seriously doubtful) you see of this particular service. Skip ahead to the tiny cupcake pixel if you don't want the boring shite.

• Stitch Fix is a personal stylist service that allows busy ladies, stay-at-home moms, the fashionably challenged, and adventurous women with extra cash.
• You pay $20 (non-refundable) to have a box show up at your house at your choosing. Either on a fixed schedule or randomly when you want.
• You get 5 items (clothing, jewelry, accessories) picked for you by a stylist based on your style profile and Pinterest board and you have 3 days to try everything on and decide if you want to keep it. 
• If you buy something, that $20 goes towards it. If you keep all 5, you get 25% off the whole order. Then you ship everything back for free in the return bag they send with you.  

 

My First Fix:
...has no pictures. I deleted them because the entire box sucked the ass of a thousand asses. Ok, that's not entirely true. It was my fault the box was horrible, as well as it being my first box, plus my stylist was on drugs (that's a hypothesis).

I can't even remember everything I got, but my mother LOVED all of it so obviously everything went back. What I do remember was a pair of really comfortable jeans that didn't fit right, a god-help-me hideous plaid shirt that looked like a circus tent and a picnic blanket woke up together on the wrong side of Mardi Gras, and the Richie Asymmetrical Clutch... which brings us to the one item I did buy and instantly fell in love with. I left a great Pinterest board and a detailed note to my stylist that asked for plaid, skinny jeans, and a super-awesome, giant clutch for going out. What I got was some ill-fitting grandma clothes, and a super-awesome, giant clutch for going out. I love that purse and even took pictures for you:

I filtered the left picture to match the actual color because my camera was being a douche

 My Second Fix: 
...was fantastic. I even took fuzzy, shit-type pictures that are both blurry and poor views of the clothing. Enjoy.

This fix, I asked for shirts that showed off my forearm because I got a really kick ass tattoo of the solar system. I asked for a blazer, vest, fleece-lined leggings, and this elbow-patch sweater I've been seeing around the Stitch Fix blogs. 

What I got was this shirt, Filbert 3/4 Sleeve Popover Blouse, and it fits gloriously. It's super light and sheer so it needs a tank underneath, but it's a classic piece that goes to work or over leggings because it covers my behind. 

This was the blazer I received, Benson 3/4 Ruched Sleeve Blazer. It was my favorite piece this Fix. It's super soft jersey, ruched sleeves, and fits super cute. My only-only-only complaint is there is one button. If there was one more button holding it together, it would be perfect. 

This vest was confusing. It felt soft and nice, but looked gross. It was weird and gross. I don't know what it was trying to be. I asked for a vest, but I wanted a cute layering vest that was kind of loose and would go with a blouse. This wasn't it.

I got the elbow patch sweater I asked for... It just came in this horfendous color combo. I wanted any other color- gray and black, cream and black- anything, but they sent navy and magenta. I hate magenta. It was so comfy. I was incredibly sad. 

These are probably the worst of the lot. I asked for fleece-lined leggings and got leather-stitched leggings. It wasn't their fault. They didn't have any in stock, which is cool. These were really comfy, but I don't like looking like I'm preparing for the Tour-De-France. They really looked like bicycle pants. Just no.






I ended up keeping the blazer and the sheer, black shirt. They've been staple pieces in my wardrobe since I got back to Japan.

This is the blazer and the clutch I wore on my mommy/daughter date to Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I think it looked pretty spiffy.








A little backstory:
My very frugal mother and a few friends have asked why I opted into this and, even after seeing the crazy prices on some items, why I keep requesting boxes. Well, the answer is pretty simple. I'm an average-sized woman living in Japan. My choices for shopping are limited to the stores in Japan that obviously make their clothes for the anorexic Lollypop Guild or the crooks at the MCCS on the Marine Base where I live. They carry shit items and jack up the prices because they know it's all we have. 




I guess I could go online, spend 5 hours clicking through pages, double checking size charts, making sure reviews are good about sizing, building up a basket, making sure return policies are fair or if they even exist, paying $20 in shipping, waiting 3-4 weeks, then hoping I don't eat a cupcake and gain any weight before my package arrives...
That's not even accounting for trying to return shit, which requires a box that's not express flat-rate because f*ck trying to pay for that, customs forms on LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF PARCEL THAT LEAVES THIS GD COUNTRY, then waiting another 3-4 weeks for it to get there and process...

That would drive anyone to try ANYTHING at least once. So my friend, Kimberly, turned me onto Stitch Fix at dirty old barn up in the hills that serves the best chicken BBQ this side of Hawaii. I was a skeptic because I'm just jaded like that, but she told the truth. The shit can be expensive, I might hate everything in the box, and it will probably take a few tries before it seems "worth it".

My third box was supposed to be here 7 days ago. That's right, a week late. Welcome to Japan at Christmas. If you order anything after Halloween, you'll get it right around President's Day. Luckily for me, military FPO/APO isn't track-able so they give you a little more than 3 days turnaround time to try stuff on and return it. 


Helpful hints: 
Be specific! Tell your stylist what you want. Tell her what you like, what your favorite colors are, how you like your pants and shirts to fit, what you don't like, etc...

Be open to new ideas. I've been very specific the last 2 boxes and from the preview of the third, she gave me everything I asked for, which is nice, but I think I'll make sure my next box is a surprise.  The idea is to expand and let someone else dress you. 

Be prepared to hate everything in the box. Stitch Fix even says on their website they only expect people to like 1 or 2 things. 

Make your Pinterest board with notes to your stylist. I'll link mine as a reference. It's been working wonders so far.  
 ~My Stitch Fix Board

When you make an order, make sure to mention your Pinterest board and anything you've been specifically wanting this round. It's winter, I don't request booty shorts and tanks. 
 
I'm obliged to throw my referral link out here so I can get some credit ($25) on my boxes. :] Click below to utilize and help a fatty in Japan get some clothes. J/k, do what you want, I'll survive. 

 My referral link

Triangl Bikini Unbagging

I have been on the market for a new swimsuit since I wore my first pair of shorts in March. Once the shorts come on, the pants come off. *giggidy*

Every year, I have the same, stupid struggle: I am one size on top, a different size on the bottom, and everything looks terrible on me. Luckily, I have spent the last 3 months losing 20 lbs. and attempting to resemble a non-lumpy human being as opposed to an amoebic cell that escaped the bio lab.

I regularly stalk Tumblr and follow a multitude of blogs with different themes, including some rosy blogs (which are pretentious white-girl blogs with too many instagram filters of rich people and their shit). These blogs popped up with a bikini brand that was made of neoprene and was super, freaking awesome.

So here's me, typing in t-r-i-a-n-g-l-e bikini and getting nothing but triangle topped bikinis because I assume the idiots getting educated from Tumblr can't fucking spell their hashtags. Well, dirt on my face when I find out it's actually "Triangl" without the "e" because Aussies are fucking weird. *Stay tuned for Abby-tries-vegemite next week*

I went to the site and started looking around at what was available. Super cute, vibrant bikinis in a couple of different styles with models who look like they haven't heard of eating. Ok... cool... Can I please see what these things look like on regular-sized people? People who eat potatoes, cheese, and gummy bears as staple foods? No? Alrighty, then.

Queue me scouring Google for a few hours trying to find someone, anyone, who is a size above small. Whatever, they're still cute and I want one. I utilized their 'Live Chat' option, which was fantastic and totally helpful. The girl took my measurements and told me what she recommended. Small top for my 34B booblets and an XL bottom for my 39-40 inch ass (depending on how much Burger King I ate last week). I was nervous about the XL because I found a girl on Tumblr (cannot remember her url) and she looked bigger than me, but she got a Large. It was a little tight on her, but I was still worried that maybe I shouldn't have sized up. 

Let me go off on a tiny rant here:
I live in Japan. I am military and have an FPO box through the base. I also live out in town with a regular Japanese address, luckily for me. The website has the FPO/APO option for delivery, HOWEVER they do not ship to PO Boxes. WTF?! How does that make any sort of sense? I used my FPO address because Japanese post deliveries come whenever the fuck they feel like it and I'm never home. So then, I have to go our local FB page and find someone who can call and schedule a re-delivery for me because usually there is no English speaker for the delivery company. You see why I just wanted my shit sent to base? Well, after waiting almost 2 FREAKING WEEKS for my delivery confirmation, I finally emailed them to see if my package got lost or what. 
Them: Oh, we never sent it out. You need to give us a physical address.
Me: You couldn't have emailed telling me that 2 weeks ago? I've been waiting for this package. Also, your website allows FPO/APO shipping as an option... you might want to adjust that so this doesn't happen to anyone else.
Them: It says on the website, no PO Boxes.
Me: *Internal rage* Then take the option off and lose your military customers. 


Whatever, I give them my town address and everything that I told you would happen, did happen. I had to wait 24 hours to find someone who could translate and reschedule delivery, then I spent the entire day at home eating 3lbs of Swedish Fish, watching Grav3yardgirl for 14 hours, and waiting all day for the delivery guy to show up. On the plus side, after we fixed the address issue, it only took 4 days to get here.
 
When it finally got here, I was so excited. I was also kind of bummed that I didn't get the pretty black box, but I got the equally cool neoprene bag. So my order was:

Winnie- Miami Mint
Top- Size S
Bottom- Size XL

This is what the package looked like. I got my return card and a care card, plus the bag. Both pieces were wrapped individually and pretty much flat. There was one crease on the bandeau down the front of the boob from being folded in half, but it's hardly noticeable when on so no stress. The colors are super pretty and it feels really cool. It is not, AT ALL, cool to wear. I tried it on and pranced around for about 5 minutes and was sweating bullets. I would wear this in the arctic and probably survive for at least an hour. (I'm kidding, please don't try that shit IRL, I will not take any blame.

So onto the wear and feel. I'll be honest... This post has already run-on to day 3 and I actually wore it to the pool today (more on that later), but when I first tried it on, it felt glorious. The bottoms fit and even had stretch... like 3 inches of stretch... like I was told over and over there was no stretch room... but it fucking stretches... so don't listen to those bitches who tell you it doesn't because it fucking does. The top was tiny bit too small for me.

My normal measurements for reference:
chest- 34 inches
waist at smallest point- 30 inches
hips around widest part of ass- 39 inches

I wear a US 7-9 depending on the store and can usually squeeze into a US medium in most non-numbered sizes of things.
So I was kind of surprised when I tried the top on that it felt way too tight. I was having trouble pulling air in after chasing my idiot dogs around the top floor after about 2 minutes. It's just seriously tight. Should have gone with a medium. The bottoms felt great. They didn't feel too loose or too big.

Apologies for the tag, I tucked it after I realized it was still on and my countdown was going. Haha.

Anyhoo, the bottoms are actually a horrible lie. They tricked me and I am disgruntled with them. 



Today, I went to the pool to try them out after my run with my friendy-poo, Donna. Pulled them on, got into the cold-as-7th-circle-of-hell pool and immediately regretted buying this swimsuit. Remember that stretch I mentioned earlier? Yeah, it did that. The extra 3 inches of space filled with water and abruptly stopped trying to stay on. As this was all going down, my brain caught up to what was happening and I realized that I voided any chance of returning it the second it touched the chlorine. Eff.



"Ok," thought I, "Maybe it's not so bad and it'll stay on if I do a dive off this board?" Dumbest thought I ever had and I'll blame it on the sun. That strapless top is not meant for any sort of diving, which I kind of knew, but was hoping since it was so tight, it would make a solid college attempt at staying in place. Nope. As for the bottoms, they too decided to take a trip south of their intended resting place on my hips. There were no children nearby, bless small miracles because I didn't need a ban from the pool for indecent exposure. No one needs to see that much pale booty blinding them. Needless to say, friend Donna will be keeping the bottoms and I'll just wear last year's black VS ruffle bottoms.


On a brighter note, I knew I wanted more than one neoprene swimsuit and that I was NOT going to fork over another $90 for a Triangl, so I've been scoping out the dupes on Aliexpress.com. They're much cheaper and everyone seems to agree they're the same shit and quality of the Triangle, only about 25% of the price.

This was my Triangl experience. All-in-all, not the best. I could have handled things differently, but so could they. The biggest request I would make: Put some models on that stupid lookbook that aren't a size 0. I spent 2 days prior to buying just doing actual research to figure out what that shit would look like on me. I'm not even that big of a girl! Like, why can't I find people in my size wearing this swimsuit so I know what size to get and how it'll look?? Of course they look good on a skeleton. A potato sack would look good on a skeleton. So in my non-expert opinion, go buy a duplicate. Don't waste the money unless you have it and/or you need a neoprene swimsuit within the week because those bitches ship it fast. I think the dupes take upwards of almost a month if I read the descriptions correctly.

I hope this ranty, swear-filled blurb helps someone who might be looking for one of these suits. I'm always open for comments, complaints, and criticism.